Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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