so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
