Don't make out with my wife yet
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He shit in the fireplace
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
