Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
do herpes really smell.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
