What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
