Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
