toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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