I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
