So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
