I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
