Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You can't special order awesome
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
