My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When are your genitals available?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
