you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
