we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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