Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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