and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
