I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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