He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
