I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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