True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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