Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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