I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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