I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
