i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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