just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We have so much sex to catch up on
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
