Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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