Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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