He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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