The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
