...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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