I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
