when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
