I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
