You're my little dorito
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize