tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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