then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
