I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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