What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
