omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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