She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
