A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Who died my cat blue again?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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