Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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