I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I need water and some morals
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
