i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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