dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If I die, sorry about rent.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
