Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
