I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
