we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
