yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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