I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You've changed since you got that strap on
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
