Christians are straight up FREAKS
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
