i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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