There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
