ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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