I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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