can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
