is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
