she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
