So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
