So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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