i would punch a child for taco bell
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
