butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
