I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
God I need to hump something, right now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize