I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize