That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
