So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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