Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
