I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
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He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
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I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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