I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
