We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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