you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
