they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
