I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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