I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
