On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
